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homemade. sorry.

by GutterLove

supported by
bodogdaddy
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bodogdaddy I first became aware of Alan by his guitar work in the band Traitors. I then found his solo project and immediately feel in love with his blend of folk and depressive lyrics. The album is worth a buy. Favorite track: Alan's Just Jaded.
Alex Jesus
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Alex Jesus homemade. sorry. is quite a special album. Combining folk and emo (with a little touch of country with the ukelele, imo), it's a weird mix, but it actually feels right. The existentialist lyrics are well written and relatable. I definitely recommend this album. Favorite track: Robbin the Hood (ft. lil jon).
Blue Wilde
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Blue Wilde I absolutely hate how much I relate to this album. Phenomenal music and lyrics. Check it out. Favorite track: I'm so tired.
Oscar Trinidad
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Oscar Trinidad Well this is indeed the best fucking album I've heard this year. Favorite track: Alan's Just Jaded.
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1.
i feed myself when i have to and boy am i glad i dont have a son i hardly ever take care of my own body but i like doing cocaine cuz it's fun i save money by cuttin out cigarettes they smell bad and dont even get me high, boy am i glad that i dont want to molest children it must suck to be that guy i love drinkin busch beer, some people tell me that it sucks, i also like whiskey n fancy ipas sometimes but shit man i dont have a million bucks i find a sense of loyalty and honesty and i try n be a decent man i get lied to and walked all over im trying as hard as i can i love this young woman so so so so much and we dont even know eachother anymore and we're both honestly bad at communicating that love will put me straight down on that floor i make too many assumptions n i'm selfish n i see situations from one side, i'm trying every day to be a better person, but goddamnit i cant wait to die no i can't wait to get high i love puppers n kittens n doggos, cockroaches foxes n bears i love the oceans and the mountians n the trees n all the other planets way out there i wish my friends would stop doin heroin i wish my brother would stop doin pills it sucks a million dicks that they choose to waste their lives, but they hopefullly will get better soon i love slamming brutal technical death metal i love blastbeats and 300 bpm i love gutturals and dissonant chords it must be something in my brain stem i'm not a very self confident person but lately i've been faking it well stress and depression will etirely consume me, things could be alot worse i feed myself when i have to i tell my grandma i dont believe in god human existence is an insignificant perspective existence with frontal lobes is odd existing with frontal lobes is odd
2.
I'm so tired 02:33
i'm so tired sheep are counting me i've been so exhausted no more energy and just maybe someone will sweep me off my feet i'm so fucking selfish, i'll try harder next week i'm okay sadness in my lungs there are so many people, and i just aint the one just pretend that you love me lie to my face i aint nothin special easily replaced i'm so sorry, i cant remember why i think i should leave, i think i should die maybe it's not as bad as i tend to think theres something wrong with my brain i just need a drink
3.
Michael Cash 02:34
do you remember all those good times all those years ago all those drugs we did and people we loved but no longer know and oh how times are changing time keeps dragging on johnny cash told me that it would hurt but i would fall in love oh my darling what happened since i saw you last i suppose that not much has changed i'm still just as insane i'm still nervous and honest I'm trying to explain every time i see you, i get stopped in my tracks i just wanna tell you... never mind goddamn atleast im not dead or in jail i'm just vomiting on my best friends rug i guess that this is why michael jordan always told me not to do drugs
4.
Park 02:03
and i actually got pretty mad that all the money that i had been working hard for and spending on taxes had been spent by my government on oil war as opposed to cleaning up my local park i love this park because i love the outdoors i also love to be alone and smoke weed unharassed i love the noisy overpass that runs through the park and the caloosahatchee river that flows under the overpass i'm so sorry about what i said or the way that i acted and i swear that i didnt mean any harm i'm just not sure how to act ontop of being bad with social ques i just dont know what to do except for shut the fuck up and fuck off and that's not really a reasonable way to think and i'm so tired of saying sorry and i'm so sick of being embarrassed of myself
5.
afternoon in FL with the whiskey and the kinfolk thinkin bout my life it makes me feel some kinda way reminiscin this n that n havin such a good time oolie ollie oolie golly what a day we would sit n talk about the less fortunate families wishin em well from afar n we think about the past, talk about the future bein grateful for where we are anxiety depression drug addiction and regression got me livin like a piece of shit n thinkin bout my death doin everythin i can to conquer all this bullshit oolie ollie oolie golly what a mess ya we were 3 boys deep at a party gettin drunk n stoned n i was doin cocaine and i wanted this woman to love me but she didnt even know my name the insignificance of humans is hard to overstate existence is incomprehensible to us millionaires buyin children middle class barely livin i'm just a homeless man pissin on a bus
6.
boy do i feel alone in my own home filled with my bestfriends i feel so stupid for feeling this way, maybe, just maybe if my life ended i wouldnt have to think about or feel anything at all I'm so sorry for the way that i am i wish i wasnt this i'm tryina change i dont understand myself but i feel like not many people do at this age i just hope that this thing that i call crippling depression goes away it's not a very comprehensive list but ive basically basically run out of time in this song thanks for being my therapist now it's time for you to sing along i'm gonna hum a tune, it should be pretty simple sing along if you want to what did i do i'm such a piece of poo
7.
i've been in bed for 4 hours and i just wanna sleep but my heart won't stop hammering in my chest cavity depression stress n overthinking tryina rationalize my feelings while i'm drunk didnt quite work oh what a suprise what's in your eyes everyone i know is scared to die i'm one of few i'm done with you and cigarettes i'm not done yet i feel like shit i need a hug stop tellin me it's just the drugs
8.
we got married in a fever hotter than a pepper sprout we've been talking bout jackson since before that fire went out i'm goina jackson to turna loosa ya coat i'm goina jackson i love yous all i know well i'm goin on down to jackson i'm gonna go n wreck my health whiskey drinkin lovin sinnin coke head piece of shit still grinnin makin a fool of myslef i'm goina jackson gonna run a muck ya i'm goina jackson i'm gonna get fucked up so goddamn drunk n stoned in the streets of jackson people laughin at me i'm gettin into fist fights all of my life like this is what i was born to be oh i'm in love with jackson easy times n girls i'm in love with jackson baby come be my world
9.
it goes 01:47
when i was 12 yrs old i wasnt allowed to watch pg 13 movies when i turned 17 i tried crack cocaine for the first time in miami it's not that life is short it's just that death is so much goddamn longer in comparison i told my love while wearing that sad clown drug lit smile of arrogance and some of my tattoos are just there to remind myself not to take life too serisouly i just wanna have fun and at the same time conduct myself with decorum and coherency but then again, when im 7 beers deep the last fucking thing that i need is the person next to me telling me the bags under my third eye indicate that i need sleep well no shit, but i've still got so much left to do good nights n fist fights, bong rips n road trips to make to lie to your face i'll tell you i love you
10.

about

idk man, low quality emo folk ?
embarrassed to release this but eh
instagram: XgutterloveX
-Alan de la Torre

credits

released February 12, 2017

i did fuckin everything.
thanks drugs.

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GutterLove Florida

Folk music with punk influence.

i don't know what I'm doing..

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Instagram @XGutterLoveX

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